Archives for September 2013

The profit in tough conversations

September 29, 2013 Leave a Comment


Pop quiz.

Someone whose work relationship you value gives you feedback about how to better deal with them.  You:

a) Add it to the pile of feedback you’ll get to later if enough people complain,

b) get annoyed and start thinking about where they’re not meeting your expectations,

c) jump for joy that someone is investing in a deeper relationship with you.

Intimacy is not a word we often use in business. And it’s appropriate to think about.  Because there are people you do business with that you want deep relationship with.  The tough conversations, where you share what’s really happening and what you true communication needs are is your opening to intimacy. Deep relationship lies on the other side of tough conversations.

Today’s tip – next time you’re in a tough conversation, notice if your belief system is that “something is wrong” and change it to “everything is very right. This is our access to deep connection.”

When do you walk away.

September 28, 2013 1 Comment

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This is a tough topic for me.  I’m a recovering conflict avoider. And what happens in business reflects what happens in personal life.

Authenticity is the agreement of your inner voice and your outer voice.  So if someone is treating you with disrespect, or you consistently don’t agree with what they advocate, there’s a point that walking away is appropriate.  Creating influence includes discernment of who you should be in relationship with – whether it’s your following, colleagues or personal relationships.

When you can walk away in a mindset of love and respect, respect that you and they are just not a fit, you are walking towards authenticity and personal power.

Some points to check in on.

1.  Have you pointed it out and they are still disrespectful?

2.  Are you endorsing someone whose views or behaviours you don’t agree with?

Bottom line – Does it feel bad? If respectful dialogue didn’t address it, it may be time to walk away.

How vivid are you?

September 26, 2013 11 Comments


It’s early. The sun is not up yet. The only sound is the gentle clacking of my keyboard and my dog snoring in the next room.

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As usual I’m using the quiet hours to write.  It’s my favourite, most precious time of the day.

Like many people, I have the tendency to write in the past tense.  Then I go back and edit it into the present.

The present is where we live.  Life is vivid in the present.  Where we can actually smell the smells and feel the feelings.

That’s why most writing and speaking experts agree that it holds your audience’s attention more to write and speak in the present tense.  It’s called vivid writing or vivid speaking.  For example, a simple story

“Sorry I’m late.  I was in my car and a dog ran out causing a truck in front of my to swerve, hitting a mailbox!”   can be changed to:

“Sorry I’m late.  I’m in my car and a dog runs out. The truck in front of me swerves and  hits a mailbox!”

The present is more engaging. We are in it, not observing it.  So today’s challenge is simply that.  For the next week, live vividly.

1. Notice whenever you’re speaking in the past tense and change it to present tense.

2. Notice whenever you’re writing in past tense and edit it back to the present.

3. Notice when your past experience is creating assumptions in the present.  Practice taking each new moment as a whole new experience.